New Legislation Stops Climate Change

Today, the president has signed a new law banning climate change.

Putting aside questions of emissions standards, this sweeping legislation seeks to settle the environmental issue once and for all. The new law, called the Climate Change Abolition Bill, simply makes it illegal for the climate to change.

“Finally, both parties have found something they can agree on,” said Rep. Lisle, a Dempublican from New Hampshire. “Whether climate change is happening, whether it’s caused by the actions of humans, or whether industry should be held responsible for climate change is irrelevant. Climate change just shouldn’t happen. Period.

Despite Rep. Lisle’s assertion, there are some who oppose the bill.

“This is ridiculous,” said Sen. Minks, a Libertericrat from California and one of the bill’s most vocal opponents. “You can’t just ban climate change. What are you going to do- arrest the climate if it changes?”

“Sen. Minks is a huge hypocrite,” the President said in a statement on Friday. “He says he cares about the environment, but he voted against the most tremendous climate change bill ever.”

The public, for the most part, has supported the bill. According to the latest Phew poll, 73% of US voters are against climate change.

“I support the bill,” said Mary Parker, a schoolteacher from Oregon. “I’ve been saying that we should outlaw climate change ever since I saw that movie with the polar bears.”

At this time, the polar bears could not be reached for comment.

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